Author Archives

Jojohttp://jolene.thislove.nu

IDK What To Do Anymore

by

Honestly I don’t know what to do anymore, my dude and I have been fighting every day, it’s always about dumb shit, it starts as soon as I wake up and doesn’t end until I go to bed. We were fighting really bad yesterday and I ended up cutting. I struggle with self harm and have been since I was 11 years old. I even asked my sister if I could spend a couple of nights at her house and at first she told me no. I was like WTF, and I think she’s hooking up with old dude again and thats why she doesn’t want me there.I mean honestly I’d let her stay with me so I don’t know why she wouldn’t do the same. Then she was like yeah but you can’t live with me again. I was like no one said anything about living with you, I just wants to stay a couple nights thats it.

Then some dude that lives in the apartment above mine threatened me over the phone this morning, He also threanted stacey a couple months ago. He tells females he will beat their ass but won’t tell a man that.

A lot of shit been going on

by

So I have been dealing with a lot of drama but what else is new, I almost had to cut Stacey off completely. So I became her payee through social security last summer and all was good until two months ago when she didn’t pay any of her bills but did pay her rent but then last month she didn’t pay her rent. She told me she paid her rent and told the office that her son had a family emergency. Then about two weeks into the month she had a conversation in front of me where the person was like “So what, Did you tell the office when you didn’t pay rent?” and I was like “Wait what? you paid the rent right, you told me you paid the rent” and she just looked down. There were a couple other reasons but I had a couple talks with her last week and then last Tuesday, she had a get together at her house and my vape disappeared. So I ended up going back to her house and taking hers, then I called her and said since mine went missing she wasn’t getting hers back.

I’m trying to quit smoking so I needed my vape and she is still buying cigarettes and I haven’t been to the reservation in three months. So it came to a head and Wednesday morning I ended up calling her and telling her that I was done and I blocked her. Then I called Social Security and told them that I no longer wanted to be her payee, when they asked why, instead of telling them the real deal, I said we had a falling out. Then that night me and my new dude went to dinner with my mom where I told her what was going on with Stacey and both of them said I should give her another chance.

On Friday I ended up unblocking her and then slept through Saturday all day and then Sunday she called to let me know she picked up my meds. I went to get my meds and talked to her and she asked about the Vape, I said nah you aren’t getting it back. I got paid today and bought a pack of newports and called her and said if you want one, you gotta come to the store and she did. I’ve been blacking out a lot and I started to get that feeling at the store and wanted someone there in case I did. I told her I called about not being her payee and she said that her doctor would sign off on being her own payee and if they ask would I say that I felt like she could handle her own money? I said yes but real talk I think she gonna have another payee eventually and I already told her not to ask me and if she lost her apartment fucking around not paying her rent which against her protests shes paying double rent this month that she couldn’t come stay with me.

She’s got habits that shes going to lose everything including her family if she keeps them up. She’s a good friend in some ways but she doesn’t understand the difference between me being my own payee and not pay my own rent it falls on just me but when she has me as a payee and don’t pay her rent she could have me in jail because they gonna think I am stealing her money and she wasn’t grasping it and I got so fed up. We good now but on certain shit I can’t trust her on.

As for me, I have been doing good. Finally got rid of fwb and moved on, he randomly pops up every now and then and I see him all the time but there is nothing there and there is nothing after what he did to make me not hate him. Now another guy I had relations with who Stacey also did is back and she paid for him to have relations with her, I don’t pay for sex so while he was asking me for money back then he was dealing with me. It wasn’t happening. So that it for that, I am good with who I am with. Way better then all my exs put together. Ended up having to block my ex that used to get drunk and beat on me, he knows I am with someone and called at like two am so I blocked him right away.

I’m a dumbass bitch, apparently

by

So I am hiding out at my sisters house, I’m taking a vacation here because my current ex won’t come here. On Wednesday, he held me in my apartment while he was drunk. He shoved me in my apartment when I was opening my door and then preceded to tell me that I’m a dumbass bitch and hes got all these bitches and I’m ugly and he would never commit to me and just all this stuff and all I wanted was for him to leave and leave me alone. He hit me on my back a couple of times which I have bruises from and he slapped me twice. Then finally he left and I laid in my bed and tried to sleep but my PTSD was fucking with me because I was having flashbacks of my ex ex choking me and trying to kill me so I packed a bag and came downstairs to my sisters apartment because he hates her and won’t come here. He kept saying that he Loves me but bullshit, if you loved me you wouldn’t hit me and cheat on me. I’ve been at my sisters since and we ran into him later and he acted like he didn’t break my heart.

I wish I would have listened to my sister

by

My sister broke her right ankle on the 3rd walking when her legs gave out on her and I was with her when she got the actual cast put on it on the 10th. On the 12th, I’m minding my own business coming out of my bathroom and my legs gave out on me in the same way hers did when she broke her ankle. Went to the orthopedic on the 13th to find out I broke my foot on the same leg she broke her ankle. Ready for the funny part?

When the doctor the options of a walking cast or a boot and my sister is behind him pointing to her cast and shaking her head no, I choose the cast and I can’t wait to get out of this thing. I would have been able to shower, I want to shower. It’s heavy as hell, I go to the orthopedic podiatrist a week from Tuesday, I don’t even want to wait that long.

I go for a walker on Monday, even though I am perfectly capable of walking on it I haven’t tried outside and Ill have to put a bag on it so it doesn’t get wet. Never ever ever getting a cast again if they offer the boot.

I have a sectional in my apartment that I can’t sit on because I can’t get up from it. I am so over this cast. We should probably play the lottery because what are the odds of us to both have casts the the same leg.

Just me being me aka I’m so annoyed and I need to get this out.

by

So, My sister is the type of person that anyone verbalizing their feelings to her gets her on the defenisive immediately and me having a ton of mental health issues, don’t know how to emotionally deal with that on a daily basis. So I, being me, tend to bottle things up and her being, her doesn’t get that so when I have had enough aka reached my breaking point and it all spills out she just gets defensive and starts asking me whats wrong like she didn’t do anything to make me mad. Now that you have an understanding of this, here we go.

So my sister gave me for Christmas one year a reuseble fliter for my coffee machine and she had one herself and all was good. Then she moved and it didn’t make it to her apartment so now she no longer has one and instead of buying another reusable fliter she bought coffee fliters and is now out of them. Then last week she broke her ankle and can’t go anywhere because she’s in a cast that can’t get wet, and we are taking public transportation and it’s winter so there’s snow.

So we are now sharing mine and I had instant coffee but she wanted that, now she doesn’t understand that if she has both the instant coffee and my fliter, I can not make coffee at my home. And shes being defensive towards me because I want me fliter. and I woke up in arthrits hell and my legs may or may not have given out about four or five times today and it’s not all about the fliter at this point.

She wants me to do her laundry, when she can do her own laundry because it’s inside the building and she’s in a walking cast and has a boot and shes basically throwing in my face that I should just yes her to death because her ankle is broken. oh and I came over to share my fliter and to see if she needed anything and she wants me to clean her house and next week she wants me to stop at four different stores because she can’t and while I didn’t break my ankle it’s like she forgets I’m in pain and my legs give out on me and I need to clean my own house and do my own laundry and she has other people she can call and I’m so stressed and I basically just knocked on her door and took my fliter while also yelling she couldn’t have the fliter and the instant coffee. Then I told her to do her own laundry because I was in pain.

Can you tell I’m at my breaking point? also if things weren’t bad enough I can’t update my site at the moment and I can’t go see Scream six because my sister can’t go with me and I don[t want to go by myself.”

Bullshit. A bunch of Bullshit

by

So Things have been going up and all the way down with the current guy I’m dating and honestly after the last couple of days…I’m done. So about a week ago he was here about seventeen hours because I have wifi and he doesn’t. I left him in my apartment a couple of times because I thought I could trust him and while I did have a twisted tea while he was here, I wasn’t close to wasted. I’m a lightweight but not that much of one.

Anyways a few days ago, I look under my sink in my kitchen where I had a ton of cleaning products as I was getting ready to clean, some of them weren’t even open to find them all gone. So noting that I go looking for other things that I bought but haven’t used yet like four packs of Tops Papers and a box of batteries and they were missing too. Knowing who took them I call him and he sends me to voicemail so I curse him out on his VM.

Basically he shows up to my door yesterday yelling at me that I had been drunk and told him that he could take whatever he wanted. That never happened, I’m so pissed because now things I didn’t think I had to buy in March, I now have to buy. On top of that I’m sick and I feel like shit and it’s a blow to find out that someone I trusted it, had stolen from me.

He also accused me of giving him an STD and that he knows that my ex boyfriend who I haven’t seen since April had been in my apartment last Christmas. First of all, He’s banned from my building and second of all, we had a driving ban over Christmas weekend and the next week because we got blasted with snow, and the buses weren’t running plus it was like -20 outside. I spent Christmas with my sister.

Much to my sisters delight, I’ve been wearing more makeup and she’s been doing my eye makeup, while I like how eyeliner looks my hands shake too bad to do it to myself so my sister does it for me. After he left last night, I had a frightening dream about my ex actually being in my building over Christmas weekend and said I should have looked on the ground outside my window (I’m on the sixth floor) but in reality he’d be arrested if he was in the building.

I did get a text from him, yesterday asking if I still had his xbox login, guess he bought a new one after he sold the one I bought him, so I text the info to him and that was the end of the convo. My current is an idiot, then later today I took a nap and had a very weird dream about my current doing my make up and I was all pink, like it was horrible.

Overall I’m done, between him stealing from me and then him blaming it on me, I’m done. I’m not feeling well, my throat is killing me and I’ve lost my voice. I also think I have a UTI so I’m going to urgent care on Monday. I’m on a dating app and have been taking it on and off my phone for weeks now but now it’s staying on there and I’ve giving my current the kick out of my life.

Good Morning

by

Another night where I only got two hours of sleep, I’m still sick and I’m still not sure what I have but I’m hoping and praying that I kick this by Wednesday. I am binge Greys Anatomy seasons 16 through 18 on Netflix because I cancelled its beginning March 4th. I’m just going to watch season 19 on Hulu. I don’t know if anyone comes here anymore but I found my Blog Planner so I will start to plan entries out again.

Sick, Snacks & Girl Scout Cookies

by

So I think I have the flu, My stomach is bothering me….I threw up on the floor and all over my bed a couple days ago and this morning my throat is killing me, so that is fun. I hope I feel better by Wednesday when I get paid. I’m thinking about canceling my http://www.universalyums.com box. Idk, I pay for the super yum box and usually it’s great, but this month….blah. It’s usually packed with snacks, but not this month, I was very unimpressed and quite honest, much to my sisters delight, I have been getting more and more into makeup, I’m thinking about subscribing to a beauty box like Ipsy. Any Suggestions?

I can’t afford to get girl scout cookies this year but if you do, consider ordering from Troop 6000 in New York City ; https://www.girlscoutsnyc.org/en/discover/girl-scouting-nyc/troop-6000.html .

i’ve been going through my email and doing surveys, having coffee & breakfast with my sister and we have also been meeting up for dinner.

Health Issues and Blog updates

by

So I’ve been so dizzy since yesterday, I’ve also been super hungry and my sister thinks I’m pregnant, God I hope not. I mean if I was, I’d keep the baby but The father is just like my son’s father in personality. They are both Geminis, I am a Gemini and we clash. He can’t handle his liquor and he has put his hands on me.

I was super dizzy yesterday at my sisters, I was also in so much pain and she wants me to go to her orthopedic appointment on Tuesday, she’s scared they are going to tell her she needs to have surgery so I am going for moral support. I am also going to see if they take my insurance because I don’t like my current ortho and I am positive I have arthritis in other places then just my knees.

I went to bed at 11pm last night and woke up at four this morning, When I got up, I used the bathroom and almost fell asleep on the toilet four times and almost fell head first off the toilet three times. I need to go get this checked out.

As for this blog/website, I’m going to add some pages and stuff, so I can get more in depth about me, I’m going through the links to other pages today and maybe adding some new stuff off my list. I’m going to try to blog at least twice a week and eventually I will go back to reviewing survey sites like I was in the past.

I’ve been getting so many followers on social media, especially TikTok, I haven’t made a video in awhile but I do have videos on there. I go by Midnightjojo if you want to check me out. Besides being dizzy and in pain, I’m going to play coin master today and it’s quest day.

Games, Games, Wikipedia & Health stuff.

by

So Im not sure if I am manic but I only got three hours of sleep last night and besides being in pain, I feel okay. I did take a couple of my sleeping medication to see if I can take a little nap though, My whole body hurts and I’ve felt this way since Wednesday. I don’t know what I did, it just seems like I have arthritis in more places then my knees. I’m thinking about finding a new orthopedic, She has me on Meloxicam which is an anti-inflammatory, but she never gives me refills, ever. My sister is on a lower dose of the same med and she gets refills, I’m thinking about going where she goes or back to dent because I have to see a neurologist too.

I ended up canceling my therapist appointment and my injection last week, I had some kind of 24hr bug and cases are going back up here, my doctors office doesn’t want you to come in if you are sick. I had a doctors appointment that week but I was able to do that over the phone, and she ended up giving me a higher dose of my anti psychotic, so we will see if that helps with the mania. I have been on every med under the sun and the only one I refuse to take is Lithium, I had a roommate that was on it and she ended up in the hospital for four months because it made her really sick.

Last night, I had dinner at my sisters and her friend got me a pint of E&J Apple, we walked to the store and when we got back, I could tell that he was about to start shit with me so I left. I came home and didn’t go to sleep until Five this morning and then was up by Eight.

I have been downloading a lot of games, and reading about Serial killers and missing people on Wikipedia. I had brunch with my sister, just oatmeal and bacon. Then I told her that if I didn’t call her by 8pm to eat without me and I’d cook us dinner tomorrow. We share meals, a lot and take turns cooking.

I feel like I don’t have much to say these days, I can’t believe I’ve had this blog since 2017. I’m going to start planning out blogs again when I find my planner and maybe get back into doing giveaways.