Monthly Archives: December 2022

What I want……

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So I know I’ve been complaining about this the last couple of posts, but it doesn’t say FREEBIE ZONE on my forehead. I have been talking to someone new for about two weeks and in that time he has asked me to borrow Ten dollars, which I told him no and today he asked me to order him a sub. Like he’s the one with a job and he lives with his mom. Like, we aren’t in a relationship and even if we were, I want someone to buy me stuff not me take care of them. He’s also hitting my sister up for joints when it’s not her job to support his habits either.

My latest Ex, keeps coming to my door saying he wants to talk, but as far as I am concerned, we don’t have anything to talk about. He slapped me and I’m not forgiving him for that, we will not be getting back together. I am not putting up with abuse anymore, besides our relationship was toxic as hell anyways.

I am on a dating app and getting messages from both men and women, I am bisexual, I don’t think I’ve mentioned on here. I am not looking to rush into anything serious right now because I am keeping my options open.

I have been getting a lot of follows on Instagram lately, I don’t know if it’s coming from here or the dating app that I have insta connected to. I have an appointment with my new therapist tomorrow and I’m trying to decide what I want to tell her and how much I want to vent.

Sunday, Fucking Sucked

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I should have just stayed in the house because I got slapped by FWB/My ex boyfriend and I got yelled at by my sisters and my mutual friend aka bitch ass motherfucker. So I went to her apartment this morning because she had my pepsi and I wanted it and I told her I would make pancakes and eggs for the two of us and she says our mutual friend is there. I go down there and he lets me in then asks if I want a cup of coffee, I said yeah and he makes me one. An hour or two pass and I don’t remember why I was in the kitchen, I think I was getting pepsi for myself or something, so he threw his phone on the island, his phone hit a creamer container which knocked one of my sister’s glasses off the island, it hit the floor and broke.

So I he’s just sitting there, didn’t say sorry so I ask him if he wants me to grab the broom and dustpan so he can clean it up and he’s like “Bitch, why don’t you clean it” and I said “I didn’t fucking break it”. After this it goes downhill pretty fast, so I threw the broom on the ground and basically refuse to did it because he broke it. Mind you in the entry I wrote on Friday, this same thing happened last Wednesday with some corn that he yelled at me to clean up and he threatened me then and I gave him a second chance but after the fucked up shit he did yesterday, I’m done with him and so is my sister.

So I end up cleaning the glass up and end up cutting my finger in the process, then I get a call from the second bitch ass motherfucker. He wants me to meet him at my apartment so I can give him the login I was using on his laptop so he can factory reset it. I run up the stairs and ended up waiting for him and when he did finally show up, he didn’t have the laptop.

So I’m like I have shit to do today, I didn’t but I didn’t want to be around him, then he did the one thing that guaranteed II would never have anything else to do with him. He smacked me in my face, told me I was a lair when mind you, Last week when he spent the night, he called out not one but two bitches names in his sleep. He claimed one was a cat, but that’s fucking B.S because who is dreaming about cats. I mean he has a cat but neither of the names he called out are the name of his cat.

He wouldn’t leave and I could feel the tears coming because I’m not going to lie, I love him. But I let my son’s father put his hands on me, I tolerated my ex treating me like a punching bag when he got drunk, He slept with girls, every chance he got and he was always accusing me of sleeping with everyone. It’s always the one that guilty that will accuse the other person.

That’s this bitch ass mother who slapped me, then tells me I deserved it. So he finally leaves but when I’m going to leave to go back to my sisters, here he comes down the hall and tells me he’s sorry for slapping me. I said “Fuck you’re sorry” and went to my sisters. We live one floor a away from each other and one apartment over.

So I get there and as soon as I sat down, I told my sister that he slapped me then I start crying, I’m in no mood to make eggs and waffles now. My sister gets up to do it, and he starts yelling at me and I’m just crying because I got slapped by my supposed boyfriend and then I come to my sisters and I’m getting verbally attacked for I don’t know what reason.

He says sit down to her and then calls me lazy and that I never cook, when I cooked for them both Friday and Saturday, on top of that I bought him a slice of pizza at the slice shop on Friday. Then he rolls up to me and pulls out a steak knife, that was my sisters and tells me he’s going to stab me which I brush off. At this point my sister comes over, grabs the handles of his chair and say’s he has to get out of her house.

He tells her to “Shut the fuck up” and she repeats for him to leave, then he says fuck you! to both of us. Then he tells us that he’s not interested in hearing about my sex life which I don’t talk about with anyone, so I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.

He finally leaves and I tell my sister I think we should hit the store tomorrow and stay in tonight. We ate dinner then the bell rings and he’s yelling through the door to open the door because he left his phone and keys. Oh an one boot, he didn’t leave anything. He had both boots on, his keys were around his neck and his phone was in this man purse, I saw him put it in there before he left. So we just ignore him at first,, then his aunt comes and wants to know what’s going on so my sister cracks the door to talk to her and here he comes trying to force his way into the apartment. I told his aunt, one of the first people I met when I moved it that he threatened to stab me and I was done with him. Meanwhile my sister and I are trying to close the door and he’s calling me a bitch, and why is my sister taking my side over his.

My sister is not blood related but she’s been my ride or die for nine years and she’s known him for two months, He thinks because they drink together, she’d choose him over me. Then not only is he ringing the doorbell, he’s now knocking on the door so hard and yelling through the door that ne needs his keys and his phone and his missing boot, but not only that he claims he left his boxers at her house too. He didn’t leave anything, he just wanted to start more trouble.

He claims he’s locked out and he doesn’t have twenty dollars for a lock out, a lock out is fifteen but when he was pounding on her door he said he would give us fifty a piece if we would let him in and she told him she would call the office and leave a msg for maintenance to let him in his apt and he didn’t leave anything at her apartment, actually he was trying to take a bag full of bubble wrap she was saving in case she or I moved again. He also took about thirty of my Tylenol arthritis meds without my permission and left me three pills and a half of one and he took my sister’s stamps without permission too. I’m so over this bullshit.

He wouldn’t stop so eventually we called the police, neither of us wanted too because we don’t like the police but he wouldn’t stop. She had a little flower wreath thing hanging on her door and when we had to go down to the lobby to get her package, we noticed he tore it apart, there were branches or whatever it was made from were all on the ground in front of her door. So she called 911 at 8:30pm and they didn’t show until almost 10pm. They said if he came back call 911 again and he would be arrested (which he did but he was just ringing her bell and we turned the volume up on the TV and ignored him and eventually he left).

I was going to stay the night at her apartment but I asked her if she cared if I came upstairs because I was so anxious and I wanted to write this on here and I told her that I would probably make him in the Sims and torture him in the game, him and the other one. I told her if he came back to call the police and I would call her when I got home. Before I left we both blocked and deleted his number in our phones, before all this drama I gave him the login to my Hulu account and I ended up changing it and logging everyone out.

Tomorrow me and her are going down to the management office and letting them know what happened. Honestly I’m so tempted to get an order of protection against him, this is the second time this week, he pulled a knife on me and threatened to stab me.

In the middle of all this BS, the guy who slapped me called my phone and the first words out of his mouth were “Hey Bitch, are you still mad at me?” and then he says he’s going to call me a Bitch because according to him I deserve it. So yeah, It’s a wrap for him as well. I don’t need this crap.

This is exactly why I didn’t delete Badoo off my phone, because He was back and forth with me and I’m too old for that shit too. Always some fucking drama in my life.

Stop pushing my buttons

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I wish people would stop pushing my buttons, the last few days I have been trying so hard not to punch people in the face. Usually I’ll wait until someone hits me first before I hit them, because then it’s self defense and not assault. But they way things have been going the last couple days, I’m just getting more and more pissed off and I am scared that I’m going to get to my breaking point and catch a assault charge.

It’s not often that I get to that point but when I do I act first and worry about the consequences later, my sister has seen me get that mad a couple of times and I’m almost to that point today. This started Wednesday, my best friend and I had dinner with my mom and she brought my Christmas present to dinner. She kept saying things like “you know, I know you wanted a laptop but laptops are very expensive” and “will you be disappointed if it’s not a laptop” so we get drinks from the bar at applebees and order an app, then she gives me the gift. At this point I’m thinking, it’s not a laptop but the gift was big like a laptop box and heavy. So I open it and I see the intel sticker and I have it upside down but she said it wasn’t a laptop and I’m like trying to figure out what it is like not thinking clearly because it’s obviously a laptop, right? so I flip the box over and my moms like “it’s a laptop”. She really had me convinced it wasn’t, so I call my step father who I haven’t spoken to since I took over my own disability money by force in 2016, and I’m like “omg thank you so much” and he said “you’re welcome, enjoy you’re Christmas”, I used to be really close with him before the whole money situation and I want that relationship back but, I don’t know how to go about that. He said some hurtful things to me back then and I was angry so I said some shit back. Like I was my own payee so I had every right to manage my own money and it sucks that I had to go to the bank and lock them out of my account that way but they wouldn’t let me manage my own money and I felt it had to be done.

After dinner, I had a ten dollar starbucks gift card on the app from Crowdtap, so I ask my mom to stop at Starbucks for me and my best friend, so we do but when I go to pull the giftcard up my fucking phone froze and I couldn’t pull it up, so my mom ended up paying so that pissed me off because I don’t like asking her for stuff unless I really need to borrow money for medicine or something and I always pay it back when my money hits my account, I zelle it right back. We get back to the house and we stop at our mutual friend’s apartment to get him because we were going to have a couple of drinks. He said he would be down in a couple of minutes so we went to her apartment and waited. Now he left two pints of liquor at her apartment, this fact will be important later in this post, We waited for him and then he gave me his bottle and I mixed the liquor in my glass of pepsi.

I literally don’t remember what started the arguement, I really don’t and to be honest he doesn’t remember either because before we left and while me and her were at dinner with my mom, he was killing pints apparently. Anyways, He eventually asked her from one of the dinners we ordered from the mission for thanksgiving and he goes to put it in the microwave and all the corn fell out of the dinner and on the floor and he just leaves it there. So because my best friend and I have been friends for 9 years and I consider her family (so does my mom) and I call her my sister, I ask him if he’s going to clean the corn up after he eats and he explodes, like he had an attitude with me even before we went to dinner, like I don’t know what his issue was with me but whatever. So he’s like “Why don’t you clean up the corn” and I said “Because I’m not the one who spilled it on the fucking ground” and he starts just popping off random shit “You can barely make coffee” and “You’re apartment is a mess”, like popping off bullshit at me and I’m just getting madder and madder and honestly I can’t even remember what I was yelling back at him and my sister is yelling at him to stop talking to me like that and then he says some shit that had me ready to knock his ass out of his wheelchair and push that bitch across the room so he couldn’t get back in it, I would never do that of course but I’m not going to lie, I thought about it so I decide I don’t even want the damn drink I made and I decide to bounce and go home. So I dump the drink, grab my pepsi and start to walk to the door, this fucking asshole, gonna roll ahead of me and block the fucking door, again I thought of knocking his ass to the ground because he’s still popping off shit and I’m leaving, why are you blocking my fucking exit and still running your fucking mouth not even making sense because you had like seven pints today and you’re three sheets to the wind.

Finally I get out of there knowing the next day was the first and I had shit to do, so I’m trying to calm down enough to go to sleep so I’m shaking because when I’m pissed I shake and all I want to do is hit something or someone. I of course took my ass inside and got on my new laptop, and I’m like, I’ll just make him at the game and download the extreme violence mod and beat him up in my game. About an hour later, I call my sister (I’m beyond mad still), and I tell her I’m done with him. I ended up staying up all night downloading mods and CC, and by morning when I went to her house for coffee I decide to forgive him and invite him to come with us to do our errands.

He meets us at her apartment, so we let a couple busses pass and we ended up not leaving until 1pm and I’m thinking, good, the kids will be off the bus by the time we head back home. So we head downtown and hit the bank, I hit the atm and she had to talk to someone about closing an account and getting a pin for her new account, so I pull the money and have a seat in the bank with him to wait for her. So I’m separating my money into different pockets in my wallet so I don’t dip in to money I need for cigarettes for something else, so I’m counting my money and some random man walks up on me and he’s like “Can you help me out?” how the fuck you gonna be in the bank begging me for money, there’s a reason I did it in the bank and not outside, I was trying to avoid people asking me for money. TF, so I’m like seriously? I tell the man “Hell the fuck no”, I was rude about it to then I start talking shit to my friend like wtf. So now I’m annoyed, we go get pizza at the slice shop and I kill both slices which never happens because their slices are huge.

We go to the reservation and we were like freezing at that point, like ready to go home. I planned on going to treat the three of us to starbucks because I have that giftcard but said fuck it and got us dunkin donuts. Four donuts was six dollars, like no lie, wtf dunkin, your donuts not even that good to be charging that much for four donuts. Anyways, paid the the six dollars and got me and her frozen hot chocolates and we head to the bus to get to the bus to take us home.

We get off the 16 and theres a fucking 20, our bus, passing us so our friend was like I’ll make sure the bus waits, and like takes off in his wheelchair, almost got hit by a car and stops in front of our bus like a crazy person, lmao, so when me and her get on the bus, I point to him and say “he’s with us”. We stop at the liquor store and I grab a bottle of my E&J apple and then my man, my fwb, I don’t know what we are is blowing up my phone and he wants me to meet him at my apartment, so I tell them I’ll see them later and go home.

This is the point where people kept pushing my buttons, He gets to my house and all he wants to do is argue, he’s asking me the same question over and over and then when I answered, he’s like “You’re lying” and “you’re just mad because you got caught” and I’m like CAUGHT DOING WHAT, LYING ABOUT WHAT? and then he goes to the store and takes my keys and by this point hes three sheets to the wind because his ass can’t handle his fucking liquor and refusing to give me my keys and he kept hanging up on me and yelling at me and at this point I just want my keys and I’m freaking out because my building doesn’t have a front door key, it as a fob and it’s like 50 dollars just to replace that and I don’t have the money to replace my keys because psycho over here is holding my keys hostage.

So I’m getting madder and madder, so I call my sister because she’s holding on to my liquor because FWB will drink it like my ex, they just take my shit. Anyways, I call her and I’m like, well I need you to pour some of my E&J in a soda bottle and bring it to me, so she does. I pour me some, bottle is half full, put it in my freezer right. Then I call her back because we were supposed to make dinner together but I don’t have my keys, so we resechduled for tonight. Anyways, he pops up still refusing to give me my keys asking me the same question over and over, apparently not listening to my answer, cause he’s been drinking all day. Then he sits next to me, so I just go in has pants pocket and take my keys back and I hold them because he is never getting my keys ever again after the shit he pulled last night. Fuck That.

Meanwhile he’s asking the same question over and over, and I’m getting more pissed off by the second and I’m getting closer and closer to my breaking point because all he ever wants to do is argue. I ended a ten year fucking relationship like that, He likes to push my buttons, he keeps on pushing them im going to get to the point where we gonna be in a alleration, there’s going to be some violence going down. I gave my ex a black eye once for him putting his hands on me, like don’t do that, I’ll hit your ass back. Fuck that.

The this morning, I get up and I go to my sisters and I’m still ready to put my hands on her and our mutual friend. So last night, I gave her my bottle cause FWB or whatever would drink it if I had it here, she told me it wouldn’t be touched, she and mutual friend DRANK MY FUCKING E&J, it took everything in me not to punch her ass, when I tell you, IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO HIT HER. DEAD FUCKING ASS and wait until I get my hands on him. They both have my main number, fuck that, she has both my numbers all she had to do was call me but no, they just drank my shit like fuck Jolene. It’s always fuck Jolene, people think I should just let them take my shit. THIS ISN”T A FREEBIE ZONE, I’m constantly hit up for money like i’m a fucking atm, cigarettes , FWB just takes my liquor that half bottle I have in the freezer, he didn’t leave me enough to have a decent drink. He brought a 40 and a bottle of vodka to my house, but wants to drink my liquor BUT WON”T SHARE HIS.

Then my sister has an appointment but after she’s going to replace my bottle when the real person who should replace it is our fucking mutual friend who I bought fucking pizza for, who I don’t just drink his liquor he leaves at her house but you know what maybe I should, maybe I should just help myself and say I’ll replace it and let my fucking sister replace it. So anyways I walk her downstaris and someone asks me for a cigarette and I’m already mad so real rude, I’m like SUPPORT YOUR OWN FUCKING HABIT and he’s like I’ll buy it, I DONT FUCKING SELL CIGARETTES and I am so fucking sick of supporting peoples habits, their liquor habits, their food habits, their cigarette habits, being hit up for money every fucking day, GET A FUCKING JOB. I can’r tell you how many bottles that FWB owes me and my sister that we still haven’t gotten.

To top this all off, I accidently pushed my dresser drawer that I have my cigarettes in to far and now it won’t fucking open, I’m done with everything today.