IDK What To Do Anymore

Honestly I don’t know what to do anymore, my dude and I have been fighting every day, it’s always about dumb shit, it starts as soon as I wake up and doesn’t end until I go to bed. We were fighting really bad yesterday and I ended up cutting. I struggle with self harm and have been since I was 11 years old. I even asked my sister if I could spend a couple of nights at her house and at first she told me no. I was like WTF, and I think she’s hooking up with old dude again and thats why she doesn’t want me there.I mean honestly I’d let her stay with me so I don’t know why she wouldn’t do the same. Then she was like yeah but you can’t live with me again. I was like no one said anything about living with you, I just wants to stay a couple nights thats it.

Then some dude that lives in the apartment above mine threatened me over the phone this morning, He also threanted stacey a couple months ago. He tells females he will beat their ass but won’t tell a man that.

A lot of shit been going on

So I have been dealing with a lot of drama but what else is new, I almost had to cut Stacey off completely. So I became her payee through social security last summer and all was good until two months ago when she didn’t pay any of her bills but did pay her rent but then last month she didn’t pay her rent. She told me she paid her rent and told the office that her son had a family emergency. Then about two weeks into the month she had a conversation in front of me where the person was like “So what, Did you tell the office when you didn’t pay rent?” and I was like “Wait what? you paid the rent right, you told me you paid the rent” and she just looked down. There were a couple other reasons but I had a couple talks with her last week and then last Tuesday, she had a get together at her house and my vape disappeared. So I ended up going back to her house and taking hers, then I called her and said since mine went missing she wasn’t getting hers back.

I’m trying to quit smoking so I needed my vape and she is still buying cigarettes and I haven’t been to the reservation in three months. So it came to a head and Wednesday morning I ended up calling her and telling her that I was done and I blocked her. Then I called Social Security and told them that I no longer wanted to be her payee, when they asked why, instead of telling them the real deal, I said we had a falling out. Then that night me and my new dude went to dinner with my mom where I told her what was going on with Stacey and both of them said I should give her another chance.

On Friday I ended up unblocking her and then slept through Saturday all day and then Sunday she called to let me know she picked up my meds. I went to get my meds and talked to her and she asked about the Vape, I said nah you aren’t getting it back. I got paid today and bought a pack of newports and called her and said if you want one, you gotta come to the store and she did. I’ve been blacking out a lot and I started to get that feeling at the store and wanted someone there in case I did. I told her I called about not being her payee and she said that her doctor would sign off on being her own payee and if they ask would I say that I felt like she could handle her own money? I said yes but real talk I think she gonna have another payee eventually and I already told her not to ask me and if she lost her apartment fucking around not paying her rent which against her protests shes paying double rent this month that she couldn’t come stay with me.

She’s got habits that shes going to lose everything including her family if she keeps them up. She’s a good friend in some ways but she doesn’t understand the difference between me being my own payee and not pay my own rent it falls on just me but when she has me as a payee and don’t pay her rent she could have me in jail because they gonna think I am stealing her money and she wasn’t grasping it and I got so fed up. We good now but on certain shit I can’t trust her on.

As for me, I have been doing good. Finally got rid of fwb and moved on, he randomly pops up every now and then and I see him all the time but there is nothing there and there is nothing after what he did to make me not hate him. Now another guy I had relations with who Stacey also did is back and she paid for him to have relations with her, I don’t pay for sex so while he was asking me for money back then he was dealing with me. It wasn’t happening. So that it for that, I am good with who I am with. Way better then all my exs put together. Ended up having to block my ex that used to get drunk and beat on me, he knows I am with someone and called at like two am so I blocked him right away.