Hey, I haven’t written in a while because I’ve dealt with a lot of bullshit. Just did the recertify for my apartment. I’ve also been upgraded from FWB to Girlfriend but I’m not really happy. He, like my ex, has a drinking problem and he is nasty and aggressive when he drinks and I really don’t like it. I’m getting flashbacks with my ex and the shit I went through at my old building. Like I love him, but I’m no ones punching bag, verbal or emotional. I can’t do this again, like a couple of nights ago, he was in my apartment, refusing to leave and I was crying, and said Get out of my apartment and my life. I haven’t talked to him since.

I saw him yesterday and we just looked at eachother, finally I just shook my head and walked away. I went to my sister’s apartment and vented to her. I’ve thought about making tiktoks but it’s hard enough to even open up on here. I don’t know what is attracting these abusive men to me, I can’t deal with it anymore.

I left the friend whatsapp group I was in and im not allowed back so all I can really vent to and have support from is my sister, I can vent to my therapist but im not sure I want to let her know that I let him back in my life after he slapped me when I don’t even know why I let him back in.