Her pain
A girl, A mirror, A knife
A way to end the pain
can’t wait another day
Cuts cover her body
Another way to take the pain away
Shes confused, she doesn’t know what to do
to live or die, she has to choose
Footsteps in the hallway tell her
her mother is home
Sadness and depression is
all she has known
She grabs a knife and
cuts deep into her flesh
The emotional pain subsides
as she waits for death
Her mother walks in the bathroom
to find her daughter on the floor
she’s not breathing anymore
Her mother is frantic on the phone
with 911, screaming at them to hurry
up and come.
At the hospital she is strapped to a bed
cursing herself for not being dead
Next time she promises herself
there will be no mistakes
she’s determined to end this
whatever it takes
Her mother sits next to her
tears stream her face
she doesn’t understand
why her daughters this way
No words can explain
why the girl feels this way
all she knows is being
dead is the only way
to end her pain
Lost love
she looked down
her smile fake
her eyes bright
with the tears
she makes
One look from him
sends her heart
array, but once
he gets taken away
her heart goes astray
Everyone always leaves her
that’s what plays over in her mind
no one ever stays
no one ever has the time
She’s all alone, she always has been
the lies and the games
they don’t matter now
her chance at love is gone
and all that’s left
is the memory
The mistakes she’s made
through out her past
is what the future holds
none of it will ever last
the memories is all she’s
left with now, of a future
love that will never be found.
The choice
She drags the knife across her skin once more
No longer caring who will find her this way,
Things can never be like they were before
She can’t be put back together again
She has long stopped caring about right and wrong
She knows not everything is black & white,
It’s time for her to give up this fight
Tears, Hurt and Pain
A breakdown’s on the way
Time doesn’t heal everything
She’s at a crossroad,
She has to make a choice
This is the end
no turning back now
pools of blood on the floor
is what He came home to
The lifeless body of the
one he loved, if only He
knew all the pain she went
through
maybe it wouldn’t have ended
this way, Someone has to pay
Now two lives are gone just
from the choice she made
Haunting
you told me that things would be okay
we all make mistakes
that’s the price we pay
You never said
things would end this way
now i’m broken
and i’m not okay
Your words ripped through me
like a knife, ripping through
a piece of paper
My life is like an open book
but you tore out the pages
one by one and now i’m empty
The days come and the days go
everything is a blur
I’m in pain, but it doesn’t show
I have to make myself believe
that I’m not alone
and one day soon, things will come back
to haunt you
Dead
Darkness, emptiness
a blackness deep inside
a life not worth living
a deadness that fills me up
I walk deep into the woods
the trees cover the sky
the blackness,
the deepness covers my soul
I am empty,
but you wouldn’t know
I hide myself, you can’t see my soul
I walk next to youside by side
You don’t know the pain
I feel day after day
I smile, but inside I want to cry
The tears turn to blood
I am dead inside, soul is empty
mind is free
Mind of mental illness
This poem was originally written ten years ago, I was 22 and fed up with people constantly calling me crazy, both online and off so I wrote this as a result, The original has been lost (Through many moves) and I wrote it here from memory, the original was much longer but it’s been years…. so my mind, is not what it used to be. Here is the result of what I do remember, I hope you enjoy and btw the last line…the very last line,, I still feel that way.
Do you know how it feels to walk into a room
and have the people you care about tell you there’s nothing wrong with you
Do you know what it’s like to just sit and cry
and not have a clue as to the reason why
Do you know what it’s like to go into a rage, slice up your arms
and not remember a thing the next day
Do you know how it feels to have to hide your arms,
because you don’t want to explain about your physical scars
Do you know what it’s like to have CPS called,
because some nosy nurse said you throw knifes at your son
Do you know how it feels to have to depend on pills
to make you feel whole, even though in the back of your mind,
you hold on to the fear that you’ll overdose and die
Do you know how it feels to lock yourself in a room
and not want to talk to the people who care about you
Do you know what it’s like to hear voices in your head
telling you, you’re worthless and you’re better off dead
Do you know how it feels to start believing those lies,
because that is what you heard your entire life
Do you know what it’s like to not be able to talk to someone, who is paid to help you out. You keep your pain inside, tell them everything is fine, then go home to cry and befriend the knife.
If you don’t know what it’s like, then don’t judge me, cause you just like F***kin lucky.
Violated
I’ve been violated in prison in my own mind
wishing it had never happened to me
how would it be, if i never had to go through what i did
wishing i could turn back time in my mind,
could i have fought back more then i did, scream louder until
someone heard and came running in
He took something from me, i didn’t want him to have.
I didn’t give him permission to get inside my head.
He said i wanted it but that’s just not true,
cause if i wanted it i wouldn’t be dead inside.
Now i have these scars that can’t be mend,
visions of that day still haunt my being
have to look behind me every step that i take
looking in every shadow scared to death that
someone will grab me and do it again
I pray to god to take away this pain,
but once you’ve been violated, things will never be the same.
_________________________________________________________________ This was written when I was 19, after I was raped.
The Games
I thought that I knew you
but I was caught up in your
game, of lies & decet
You had me wondering why I
would fall for someone who
just wanted to play
I opened up to you, then instantly
regreted all that I told you
It worked for awhile, I thought
you had changed, I can’t even begin to
explain
Eventually your actions told me
the truth, it was all part of your
game.
Now it’s time to play my game
put yourself in my shoes & tell me
how you would feel, If I in turn
started to play you
I made my mistake, not when I hurt you,
but when I opened up to you. I thought
you were different, but you’re the same
as all those other fools
You have me all caught up in your game
I’m sick of thinking of ways that I can
make you change, wondering how I can make
you stay, knowing its hopeless when all you
want to do is play
You get mad when I hang out with other fools
but you don’t want to make a move and commit
like you know you should. Now I think I should
just move on and get over you, cause your never
going to play the game like I want you to.
