Health, lifestyle

I will be alright

admin / October 5, 2017

Back in February Social Security sent me a letter that my case was up for review and I have been stressing out since then. I finally got their decision yesterday and SS feels I am no longer disabled. I will be appealing but I am not going to stress myself out over it. If I have to work, I have to work…that’s life if I want to have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. It is what it is.

With all the BS I am going through lately living in the apartment building from hell this letter in the mail yesterday momentary sent me into panic mode and tears. I have only been in a relationship (off and on) with my current SO for four years so he didn’t know me years ago when my panic disorder/attacks were really bad.

In the past he has made comments how I should stop letting my mom tell me I can’t work and this and that. The thing is My mom wasn’t telling me anything, I had experiences ten years ago that got me to the point where I felt that I should apply for disability. Originally my doctors wanted me to apply for it back in 2004 but I fought it and them for two years until I felt I needed to apply.

Every time I tried in the past to explain panic disorder & PTSD with him he didn’t want to hear it so eventually I just stopped trying.

Today I was expecting support and at first he said it will be okay and then he started telling me what I need to do and what I should do. I don’t like that, I am a grown women and just because I haven’t worked in seven years doesn’t mean I haven’t worked period.

Then he hits me with: You don’t have to work, just let me work and take care of you

Nope, Stop. In the past when I was in my twenties I was in such a relationship and it was a controlling one where He felt he was making all the money so in turn I should let him tell me what to do. The situation involved my son but I still lost friends including my BF I had known since I was fourteen.

In short I will never put myself in a situation where I have to depend on another human (male or female) ever again. There are things in everyone’s past that teaches them about people and their own lives and this was one of mine.

At the end of the day, I can only trust myself & God to get me through a bad situation. I’ve had a lot of friends and people in the past tell me I will always be there for you which was a load of crap because none of those people are here anymore.






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